Afternoon Time

tick tock tick tock
stare
gazing
hoping
yearning
for
5 o'clock

to be released from the "American dream" of what LIFE
Should be?

Music pouring
waterfall
rain

quickly how a river becomes
a stain
marked across the page.

what feeds the Whirlpool
of my primordial core

is it sleeping monstro's snore
hiding in the depth
of my ocean floor?

What anxious grief!
How he ponders to understand,
swallow all of me....

and i will build a fire
to watch him sneeze.

Remember me.

and you try to ignore a face you've seen
before.
in another life
trying to forget
remember when.

slammed doors & a
late night arousal
the animal yearning
to satiate and be
sedated.

the dawn peering through the nearby windows
revealing a street
not yet
warmed by the sun.

acknowledging it
not accepting it
Jekyll into Hyde.
"you disgust me."
is his late night lullaby
in which comfort finds no sight.

I used
to let myself cry
and pray that I
could fix it
and love would let
destruction stray.

no longer will tears be released.
no longer will I allow the words to seep
into me
Le parole mi fanno male.

by morning time
all will be erased
and I will be convinced
it was all a dream.
so close it may had seemed
real to me.

then
he'll turn over
and that smile will
radiate
revealing the dawn.

in the glimmer of those eyes
once filled with anger
veritably
will kiss me
not remembering in evening past
what crime took place.

September

I remember September...

last year, his arms would squeeze.

an addict to his josephine.

and I yearned for that kind of love...
without allowing myself to become
vulnerable.

Ever so close, i conceal...now all that i feel.

I can sense his fear,
my sadness.
It's not all that i am...
nor does it define me...

but when it is your heart that i feel
then i cannot deny it.

you are he
whose finger stroked the chords of my soul...
unravelled the barbed wire
unleashed the choke hold
and allowed me breathe
again.

and wonder now why it is
she
who sleeps in closets
when moon is full.

wonder why her eyes turn grim
when senses bring memories.

I wish to love and give all that i am.
be honest to my man
but capable misunderstandings
make it difficult
to comprehend.

Sometimes the filth
lures my innocent hand
i roll around in it
to feel again
to see if life
is underneath.
this rotting disgust i feel
it's not really me
and drowning
alone.
in deep.

he's running
and i let him.

my love for thee
will release the trap
from she he flees
and
our memory is
kept.

Arts

Upon my discovery toward inner freedom...aka removal of the chains placed around my heart...wait is that a band name?
anyways...upon the road towards spiritual enlightenment...
wait that's not right either.

Let's start over.

I
am
working
on
the self.

A challenging conquest...
inner space.
All that holds us back.
OUR FEARS
OUR DREAMS
all defined by most men as the soul.
Cognitive behavioral patterns.

I met with a lovely lady yesterday.
Sat and listened to a fraction of the waterfall of my weaknesses.
TOO PROUD
for all these years to confront them.
And there they laid on the table.
Seeing every mistake
she did not like the others...
did not throw it in my face nor
did she judge them.

Multiple repeated actions
many men...?
Many fingers upon paleness.
Many mistakes justified.
How many I let walk all over my beauty.
How many did I let control my way of thinking.
How afraid I was of my SELF.

With all dead.
Including the girl that used to hold my name...
I chose life.
As daddy would say "love and laughter."

I wish to love.
I do not fear it.

Brush Strokes

splatter soften detailed fun
it is not I who fixates upon the sun
blindly
defining truth
in a painting half done.

restricted within the frame,
the art needs stretching
beyond measured plain,
without room to expand
when weather doth change.

but art always growing
within each day
and music's constant movement
is reason the crowd remains.

from extravagance to
gallivanting
placed upon the floor
filed among the unsuitable
while the artisan explores.

in search of true engagement
a moldable canvas
and colorful paint
to find the true beauty
that fits within the frame.

tonight

this is just a sleepless rant.
with morn just a bit away, i can't hang with friends without making them stray.
i'm sorry for the burden of what it means to love me.

tonight i made the choice to call them. alone in georgetown.
no love by my side...and everyone says have faith....when
in truth he lied.

there's a lot that is said about the breaking point...and neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye.

the still

"I'm not sure where I am anymore" she gasped gracefully still.

Calm as the moon above, glowing it's magnificence across the way below.

Roars of laughter from the local pub often stirred their bones.

Yet tonight,

Never have I felt more alone.

Enjoy the cheerful chatter of mistakes.

Taste the dark richness of this place.

She'll poke holes in them revealing the fake...

replacing the dream with perversion.

"I wish to drink your hollow thought, that a wife be a wife and never talk."

the cavity will lay with the man...
to be swayed by a stranger's intellect
and neglect his careless hand.

All that was remembered
of being seen and understood...

all drowned
in the ether
sempre warm and still.