September

I remember September...

last year, his arms would squeeze.

an addict to his josephine.

and I yearned for that kind of love...
without allowing myself to become
vulnerable.

Ever so close, i conceal...now all that i feel.

I can sense his fear,
my sadness.
It's not all that i am...
nor does it define me...

but when it is your heart that i feel
then i cannot deny it.

you are he
whose finger stroked the chords of my soul...
unravelled the barbed wire
unleashed the choke hold
and allowed me breathe
again.

and wonder now why it is
she
who sleeps in closets
when moon is full.

wonder why her eyes turn grim
when senses bring memories.

I wish to love and give all that i am.
be honest to my man
but capable misunderstandings
make it difficult
to comprehend.

Sometimes the filth
lures my innocent hand
i roll around in it
to feel again
to see if life
is underneath.
this rotting disgust i feel
it's not really me
and drowning
alone.
in deep.

he's running
and i let him.

my love for thee
will release the trap
from she he flees
and
our memory is
kept.